SEEN ON T-SHIRTS THAT AREN’T HARLEY T-SHIRTS:

“It’s not a bald spot. It’s a solar panel for my sex machine.”

“I know right from wrong…wrong is the fun one!”

“Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.”

“FBI….Female Body Inspector”

“I’m a Librarian trapped in the body of this big fat ugly biker”

“Money can’t buy happiness…but it can buy a case of beer”

“I child-proofed my house, but they still get in”

“THEY LIED!..Hard work has killed lots of people”

“Gray is the new Blond”

“I see your point…but you’re still stupid”

“You’re a naughty boy….Go to my room”

“My parents said I could be anything, so I became an asshole”

“So, a dyslexic walks into a bra”

“If it weren’t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless”

“Forgive your enemies…but remember their names”

“I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right”

“WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship”

“Success is the happy feeling you get between the time you do

Something and the time you tell a woman what you did”

SIGNS THAT YOU HAVE GROWN UP

Your house plants are alive and you can’t smoke any of them.

Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

6 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s left overs.

Dinner and a movie is the whole date, not the beginning of one.

A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “Pretty good stuff.”

90% of the time you spend at the computer is for real work.

When you find out a friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, “What the hell happened?”

Jeans and a clean Harley shirt no longer qualify as being “dressed up.”

Your motorcycle insurance goes down and your motorcycle payments go up.

Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3AM would severely upset your stomach, rather than settle it.

Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”

You take naps.

You’re thinking of buying a Gold Wing.

WHAT THOSE EVALUATION COMMENTS REALLY MEAN:

Active socially: Drinks heavily

Alert to company developments: an office gossip

Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job.

Average: Not too bright

Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law

Competent: Able to get work done if supervisor helps

Consults with supervisor often: Pain in the butt

Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice

Enjoys job: Needs more to do

Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together

Happy: Paid too much

Hard worker: Does things the hard way

Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than supervisor

Unusually loyal: Wanted by no one else

Keen sense of humor: knows lots of dirty jokes

Meticulous attention to detail: A nitpicker

Should go far: Please

Slightly below average: Stupid

Strong disciplinarian: a real jerk

Takes advantage of opportunities: Buys drinks for supervisors

Creative: Finds reasons to do less work

Will go far: Relative of management